Loaded magazine’s return? Some titles are best left buried.

I was celebrity editor for Loaded many moons ago. But just what was it like working at the lad’s mag? I discuss my time there...

Last week I read Loaded magazine was coming back. A men’s magazine notorious during the nineties and noughties as being potentially the most sexist, misogynistic, homophobic, lad-culture-obsessing title on the market.

I think it’s genuinely the worst idea known to man to bring back the magazine in the form it once was. It just doesn’t work for 2024 and seems like a very weird brand to resuscitate. It has a female editor and sounds like it’s going to pivot to try and reflect a modern-day man with a fitness vibe. Good luck to them…

Loaded (seen above during the glory days with James Brown at the helm) was a title I spent just under two years working at when I left papers for the first time back in 2003.

Some of you know I’ve been playing around with a book idea about my time at the papers and mags for ages now. Not sure I’ll ever fully dish the dirt and release it. But a few years back I went away to Ibiza staying at a friend’s place and I just wrote everything and anything about my journalism years…

There was a ‘chapter’ on Loaded there. Fun looking back at some of these memories.

So here we go – a little dip of the toe into the weird world of men’s magazines and Loaded. She’s a long one – but do hope you enjoy!

Willkommen! Bienvenue! Welcome!

Having been so desperate to escape the world of newspapers I probably should have thought a little more seriously about my next career move. But the then editor Martin Daubney – who nowadays is on GB News and plasters his far-right opinions across the media at any given opportunity - had filled me with vodka, hope and dragged me into his way of thinking during an interview that saw him making me get onto a chair in the middle of the Embassy club and screaming at the top of my lungs “I want to work at Loaded”.

I must have been desperate for a fresh start – how bloomin’ embarrassing. I just wanted to start at a new title where I wasn't going to have to snoop around on celebs, be around phone hackers and generally have bad juju.

Loaded was a revolutionary magazine at one stage and Martin was desperately trying to have it return to the glory days. It was a challenge and a half, but I would have done anything to get out of the newspaper industry.

My job as celebrity editor at Loaded was quite simple. I would be in charge of bagging the big-name celebrities for the cover and would need to extract great cover lines and interviews from the stars in question. They wanted me to create a stir in the press and get Loaded's name back on the agenda again.

The fact I didn't want to screw any of the women we were dealing with at Loaded made life a whole lot easier. I signed up the talent, came up with ideas and concepts with the picture and art teams and then helped produce the detail of the shoots we did.

As a gay man I wanted the women to look strong, powerful, sexy and glamorous. Not just, er, slutty and available.

I had a company AMEX card without a limit and was told to schmooze the industry, spread the word about the magazine and the ‘good’ work we were doing. I was also on a mission to sign up as many big names as possible. I quickly realised I was living the dream.

From the minute I walked into the Loaded offices I knew I wasn’t dealing with a usual office environment. The guys that worked there were like naughty little school boys who needed to be whipped into shape if you wanted to get any sense out of them. They properly boozed every lunchtime. It was like herding cats to get anything done there.

Each month seemed to fly by to begin with. The mornings would involve idea meetings and from 12 noon the entire office would be pissing about in the pub getting lashed.

Thinking about it, it's amazing we even managed to get a magazine out. If it wasn't for the art team, I doubt we actually would have.

There was one female working at Loaded. Martin's loyal PA Lisa Wallis who I adored and had the task of making sure pretty much every member of staff did what they had to do and turned up to any important publisher meetings. She the glue that held the entire office together.

With Martin and co continually in the local boozer, having play fights and generally coming up with crazed ideas for the magazine trying to be professional at Loaded was a task. It was like being at school. The men’s magazine scene in the recent Big Boys comedy series was literally exactly what working at Loaded was like during my time there. You couldn’t make up how deranged the idea meetings were.

I may have been relieved to have been out of newspapers but nothing ever ran smoothly at Loaded. It was problem after problem from the beginning.

One of my first cover concepts I worked on was a UK and US 'Posh Totty' special which involved shooting socialites Paris Hilton and Lady Victoria Hervey as a joint cover in Los Angeles.

Negotiations were going incredibly well and Lady V – who I'd met during my Daily Mirror days - was helping assist me with signing the US socialite. Things looked as if they were progressing well, and we were verbally assured Paris would appear.

We assumed it was enough of a guarantee to book the trip, so I put £10,000 worth of flights and hotels on my company AMEX and days later we were somewhere over the Atlantic looking forward to a great shoot in the LA sunshine.

Unfortunately, by the time we touched down on US soil everything had gone tits up.

Lady V left a scrambled message on my phone saying I needed to call her the minute I landed.

“Yeh Dean, I'm having trouble tracking down Paris,” she said. “Call me when you land.”

This was not good. I had Martin and five other members of staff with me and we had come to shoot this cover. To not have a cover star would cost us thousands.

I quickly realised working at Loaded I was still stuck with the same flaky agents and PR people I’d worked with at the papers. The shoot was the following day and Paris had apparently promised Lady V she would show...

“I don't know what's happened,” said Victoria on set as she clambered into her lingerie for the first shot set-up. “She was up for it and wanted to do it. But then I think she went out and hit it hard and now she's not answering her phone.”

It's fair to say I was freaking out and trying to calm down everybody on the shoot, including the editor.

Eventually I got hold of Paris' then manager Jason Moore and he wasn't making life any easier for me.

“Yeah Dean, Paris isn't going to be available today,” he said. “We didn't know about this shoot really. And the money's not enough. I guess we can talk in the future but for now it's a no.”

Not an ideal conversation to be having mid shoot. But what could I do? I had to claw back the shoot and make this cover work with Lady V solo. It didn't sell bucket loads, but it just about worked. Victoria wore a cheeky pair of French knickers that showed off her derriere to the max and she flipped the V sign for the cover shot. Perfect Lady V action.

Over the years people have always had things to say about Lady V and her social ways. They say, 'She's just a party girl' or 'What does she actually do....' or 'Where does her money come from?'.

But I don't really care what the masses say. She's always been great to me and occasionally has helped get me into events and always introduces me to the right people. There’s nobody I knew who was better connected than that woman.

Life at Loaded calmed down with a few covers under my belt. But I was constantly struggling with the publishers and Martin over their choices for content.

Loaded was becoming smuttier by the issue. Partly because of the twisted staff and partly because the readers wanted it to be smutty. They wanted cover stars who were naked, looking 'ready for it' and licking their lips. They didn't care for the interviews, the celeb names or the writing.

So accordingly, whereas I was trying to get the best names possible on the cover I also knew putting some unknown glamour girl on the front would more than likely sell just as well, if not better.

Looking back at it now, I guess I should have seen my days at Loaded were numbered from the second I arrived. We were never going to agree, and I was never going to be happy with their choice of model for inside features. I basically had to suck it up and fight them each month to get cover stars that I deemed sexy and who interested me. They might not sell huge numbers, but to be frank with the launch of trashy men's weekly mags like Nuts and Zoo (that were sucking the life out of the men's magazine market) we were never going to sell huge numbers like Loaded's glory days. Even the biggest monthly FHM was going down the swanny by the time I was there...men’s magazines as a whole were a tired entity.

In the summer of 2004, I got the team together and we flew out to New York to do a cover shoot with Atomic Kitten star Liz McClarnon.

I was excited about this shoot for many reasons. Firstly, it was Liz's first ever men's magazine shoot. Secondly, I'd managed to sort a trip to New York out of it. I loved spending time in the Big Apple. I was living the dream of being able to travel around the globe as part of my job.

Yet again the shoot failed to go according to plan...

I'd known Liz on and off for ages and we'd always got on – but I also knew she was a precious little flower. She hated any sort of confrontation on any level and if she didn't like something she would literally cry to make her point and you had to guess what was making her upset.

Her stylist pal Sinead McKeefry – who these days styles Claudia Winkleman on The Traitors - was a dream to work with and we literally had to gang together in between each costume change to get her into the next outfit and try and stop the tears from flowing.

A PVC zip-up dress which exposed her cleavage, a black bikini with holes cut out in it, skintight leather boots and a white low-cut swimsuit. It was one tearful disaster after another.

Unfortunately, and amazingly considering her great figure, Liz seemed to have a body confidence level of zero and despite everybody agreeing she looked incredible, the tears flowed. All day.

Miraculously we managed to pull a cover together and she looked incredible. But obviously Martin decided to brand the issue the 'Kinky Special' just to make it smuttier sounding for the readers.

Back in London a few weeks later we began work on our September issue – a month usually reserved for the 'Nude Issue'.

Wanting to keep the theme of a good tabloid tale going I paid controversial model Sophie Anderton £20,000 to strip for the cover.

Sophie was an interesting one. The tabloids loved the fact she was a top model who succumbed to the drink, drugs and debauchery. She had a lot to talk about thanks to her disastrous relationship with frog-eyed footballer Mark Bosnich. The pair were constantly in the press due to their wild nights out and she ended up losing pretty much every part of her career and all her money thanks to her love of the white marching powder.

Fortunately, she had one thing going for her. She still looked bloody gorgeous. Her face without a shred of make-up was truly remarkable and you were mesmerised by her beauty. I knew getting her to agree to strip off for the nude issue would result in great follow up with the papers as well as a stunning cover. At this point in time, in 2004, she still had a genuine chance of clawing her career back as a well-paid model.

Sophie always made me laugh with her own opinions of herself. She was from the Janice Dickinson school of thought and genuinely believed she was still an incredibly big supermodel. Despite not having any campaigns or shoots on the cards. She wasn't just a model. SHE WAS A SUPERMODEL. Sophie, obviously, was never a supermodel. She came close with a stunning Gossard billboard campaign. But you let her think whatever she wanted so long as she was happy.

Truth be told, no real supermodel in their right mind would be posing nude for a near top shelf men's magazine that clearly had lost its mojo.

For Sophie, money talked, and she was happy to do anything for cash.

Our next Loaded issue was another tired sounding concept for the readers. 'Pop Tarts' was the theme, and my job was to sign some pop heavyweights for the magazine. As you may have gathered, Loaded was a proper high end title in these days ;-) They didn’t even try to hide their misogyny back then.

The cover was graced by Liberty X star Michelle Heaton and we flew to Ibiza for a few days of hard partying and hard working at an amazing villa in the middle of the island. Teamed together with Kym Marsh and Hayley Evetts of Pop Idol fame it worked out perfectly for a pop special.

After a short swift 18 months, my time at the magazine was starting to come to an end and I worked hard to pick up my game and sign some big-named cover stars for the final leg of the role. Not surprisingly I was desperate to get back to LA one last time.

Rod Stewart's daughter Kimberly and burlesque Queen Dita Von Teese provided the perfect opportunity to get back to America.

To sign Kimberly I had to deal with her frightfully proper LA modelling agents – any agents in Hollywood were horrendous to deal with. They hate the British media still to this day. They were clear the shoot had to be classy and cool rather than slutty and downmarket. Thankfully, my vibe. Her dad Rod was obviously a bit of an icon for Loaded readers and Martin was thrilled we managed to get her to appear on the cover.

We shot at the Pink Motel – a disused motel in downtown LA which you’d recognise from so many shows and shoots – and the results were blinding. We chose to work with the photographer Gavin O'Neill to shoot the cover and it proved to be the perfect move.

We hired a Triumph motorcycle for Kimberly to lay across wearing nothing but a leather bikini and a leather bondage style neck and wrist chain. She looked rock 'n roll chic and everyone was thrilled with the results.

Kimberly was so easy to work with. She was used to being an actual model and this feature was going to launch her in the UK as a name in her own right – not just some old rockers daughter. We shot some frames in the motel's empty swimming pool and at one stage one of the owner's brought a 15ft albino python out for us to play with. Kim didn’t even flinch. Just picked it up and wrapped it around her neck.

We managed to hit the press when Kim went on the record during the interview with Martin to discuss the fact that Rod's wife Penny Lancaster had been signed up as the face of lingerie brand Ultimo - ousting Rod's ex-wife Rachel Hunter.

Martin said: “Your dad's squeeze Rachel was the old Ultimo girl – now Penny Lancaster is doing the job. Discuss....”

“That to me is so weird,” said Kim. “They got Rachel, then they got Penny – like they had it planned the whole way along. It just seems really, desperate for the lingerie company. They're selling lingerie, but now they're selling a feud.”

“Who do you think is the sexiest?” Martin said, hoping for a gem of a quote.

Kim raised an eyebrow and said: “They're both so different. I can't say, that would be so mean. I didn't really see a lot of the pictures Rachel did, but I saw a lot that Penny did, and she was great in them. She really did look amazing – she's got a hot body.”

Kim was a careful interviewee, and we knew early on the pictures were going to give us more of a story than the interview. She went on to have a child with the actor Benecio Del Toro years later and hit the headlines from that.

Kim took me out to a party after the shoot that evening at the Roxy on Sunset. She walked in, looked around and said: “This place is full of hungry bitches.”

“Hungry bitches?” I replied.

“Yeh, you know,” she explained. “Hungry mother fucking bitches. Hungry means desperate. Hungry bitches.”

I've never forgotten that statement. Very LA and SO Kimberly.

My next shoot a few days later in LA was Dita Von Teese (above on the cover in question), who at the time was dating goth rocker Marilyn Manson, and personally it was one of the most exciting moments of my career so far.

Dita is far from a modern-day celebrity – she's an absolute revelation. Hardly any of the talent I've been lucky enough to meet over the years has been as interesting, intelligent, and true to themselves as Dita is. She's totally and utterly captivating.

Burlesque for her isn't just a matter of prancing around stage in feathers and using a whip from time to time. It's her life.

I remember when she turned up on set, I nearly had a major panic attack. She casually arrived solo, without any aides or fuss and knocked on the door struggling with her suitcases of clothes and make-up. She looked nothing like the Dita Von Teese we all know and love. She had extremely long dark straight hair, not a scrap of make-up and was completely and utterly unrecognisable. I was worried I'd made a shocker of a decision booking her. 

But I needn't have worried. The star sat quietly completely alone working on her transformation for two hours and walked into the room wearing nothing but a tiny red sparkly corset and an 18-inch waist.

The only help she needed was from an assistant who arrived to pull her into the corset and get her out of it. She was extraordinary. Doing her own make-up and hair? Unheard of.

During the shoot there was a bit of a life affirming moment when we set up for one of our last shots of the day. Dita waltzed in with her nipples hanging out over a peek-a-boo bra, walked into the corner of the room, slid down the wall with her legs open and gently announced: “OK, I'm ready.” She is the epitome of cool. I handed her a lit cigarette and she quietly puffed on it, letting the smoke cover the shot and said: “Let's shoot.”

Back in London weeks later it was a pure delight to go to breakfast with her near Liverpool Street to conduct the interview for the cover story.

She arrived on time, almost to the second, and sported a tiny hat and complete with face veil. She lifted the veil to be able to enjoy her scrambled eggs.

It was possibly one of the most enjoyable interviews of my career. Dita, real name Heather Sweet, knew her shit. She'd become fascinated by the '30s and '40s thanks to her mad aunt Opal and had learnt about burlesque and the art of the tease from the bottom.

“I don't particularly admire natural beauty,” she said. “I admire the strange looking women who are unique. Beauty fades, true glamour and style do not. My aunt Opal was to blame for me. She was a fiery redhead who wore green eye shadow and red lipstick constantly and was covered in all sorts of jewels.”

I was obsessed with her life, her relationship with Marilyn and her thoughts on modern day celebrity. Before you knew it we were talking the Beckhams, whether Marilyn like drinking chamomile tea and her weirdest ever job.

Dita also relished telling me some of her craziest stories from her fetish film past. I knew she was regularly pitched ideas from fans and occasionally she decided to shoot them for a fee.

“What's the stupidest fetish film idea you've been pitched?” I asked.

Dita smirked and said: “Oh my God, I actually did this one. It was a custom-made fetish film for this guy and I got paid a lot of money to do it. You are going to laugh at me.”

“Tell me more.”

“OK, so my girlfriend and I had to be taking a ballet class,” she began. “The guy was very specific. We had to wear black leotards and pink tights and pink leather ballet slippers. Then we had to have our hair pulled back into a bun – with a hairnet over the top. He even told me the brand of everything we had to wear. The fantasy was us taking a ballet class and me telling my friend that she wasn't doing the exercise right. Then she had to pick up a big cream pie and put it in my face and then the other way round and eventually we had a big cream pie fight.”

Extraordinary to think this sort of thing goes on in actual real life. It remains one of the best interviews I've ever done. It was so refreshing to have met a celebrity who had something to say.

For my final cover at Loaded, I managed to secure an exclusive I knew the papers were going to LOVE. And everybody at Loaded was ecstatic.

Through the PR Max Clifford, I'd managed to secure Rebecca Loos with her first men's magazine shoot. This would be big news. The woman who threatened to bring down the Beckham's marriage over her alleged affair with footballer David was going to pose scantily clad for my magazine. I was chuffed.

But it was far from easy on the day, and it became extremely clear from the moment Rebecca set foot on the shoot she was incredibly nervous. Rebecca was physically shaking and very business-like about the whole thing.

“So, what am I going to be wearing,” she said.

“Lingerie predominantly,” I explained. “But all high-end stuff and nothing too revealing.”

“Oh, OK good,” she said, asking if we could crack open a bottle of champagne at 11am.

After a couple of glasses things were starting to get a little loose and the pictures were looking great. Rebecca was a little rigid in some shots but occasionally we'd get a corker and the photographer John Stoddard was sure it would become a success by the end of the day.

Martin called me just after lunch to check things were going OK.

“So, Deano,” he said. “How's it going with Rebecca? Is she slutty enough?”

“Well, she's very nervous to be honest but I think we’re getting some good shots,” I replied.

“Deano, you don't sound like you're getting a great shoot out of her,” Martin said dubiously. “We've had to pay £23,000 for this so it needs to be killer shots all the way. Can we get her topless holding her tits or something?”

“Righty ho,” I said, becoming increasingly bored of hearing such smutty comments. “I'll do my best.”

Within two hours we’d got Rebecca dressed up in stockings and suspenders holding her boobs in her hands.

The interview was a hoot and I genuinely liked Rebecca. I also fully believed every word she said about Victoria, David and the affair. I know she was the one who lifted the lid on the affair – and thanks to selling her story made £500,000 from it – but she didn't seem to be out to cause trouble. She was a girl who happened to have an affair with her boss, who was very famous and had an equally famous wife. She was never going to win from the situation and he had led her down the garden path and she was a woman scorned. She loved him at one point.

Rebecca had a very thick skin, and she was under no illusion she would eternally be known as a home wrecker. It was no surprise when she met a handsome doctor and moved to Sweden to start a family. The UK was always going to question her morals and have an opinion on her.

I obviously asked a lot about her affair with David and working with Posh as her assistant.

Does Victoria Beckham ever eat? (I cannot believe I actually asked this question!!!!)

She drinks Diet Coke all day, eats seafood and copious amounts of fruit.

What about Victoria's boobs? (None of my business)

They are fake, and that's from the lady herself. She told me she'd had them done three times.

Let's talk scandal. What did you think when other girls started coming out the woodwork and claiming affairs with David?

I wasn't surprised. I learnt a hell of a lot of stuff about what he was like in Manchester before the move to Spain, from pals and work colleagues. As I was with him a lot and knew what he was like, it didn't surprise me in the least. He just loves women.

Do you think all the other girls claiming affairs were telling the truth?

Yes, I would say they were.

Even the Spanish model he was linked with, Esther Canadas?

Yep, definitely true, I saw it with my own eyes. She was not one of my Spanish pals. But she's lovely. It was a bit of a situation, because I was with him when he met her.

Were you in love with David?

I had been, then I didn't hear from him for a long time, so I kind of got on with my life.

I left the interview in Notting Hill feeling utterly convinced by every single word she had told me. She was a woman scorned and got caught up in the publicity machine. On the other hand, she was very calculated and went out to damage the Beckham name and dragged Victoria's name through the mud. Either way, Rebecca was never going to win so why not earn some money.

Following the Loos issue, I got back to basics working on new names for future covers but my newfound ‘happiness’ at Loaded wasn't going to last long.

I was called into the new publisher's office by Martin's PA Lisa. I immediately knew what was coming.

I was told the magazine was failing to do well and sales were way down, and they had to cut back. And part of their initial cutbacks would mean my role had to go.

I was genuinely gutted that Martin, who clearly couldn't deal with letting go of friends or staff, remained silent throughout the entire meeting just inches away from me. Towards the end of the meeting, I told them I'd heard all I needed to hear, got up, slammed the door behind me, collected my bag and walked. Very Samantha Jones marching out the office with a “fuck you” attitude from me.

My days at Loaded were officially over. I'd worked my butt off there and tried my best to please everyone. The truth of my exit was simple - readers just wanted tits and smut and I was forced to accept defeat.

Martin and the bosses had even ensured I was made redundant days before my two years clicked in and I was entitled to some sort of cash pay off. Thanks, guys. It was another example of an industry where you couldn’t really trust anyone...

The reality of Loaded making its comeback with a female editor? You can only but hope she takes zero influence from the smutty tragic title the magazine was back then. I’ll be honest, Loaded was never a perfect fit for me - but GB News seems to be a perfect fit for Daubs.