Has the perfect girl next door already snagged the I’m a Celeb crown?

Coleen Rooney is in the jungle and the newspaper headlines are going into overdrive. But is this really the start of a shiny new career? Let’s not get too excited.

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Coleen Rooney’s a good human. I like her a lot. But, in my opinion, there are parameters you must consider with regard to Coleen Rooney and what she’s able to do as a contestant on I’m a Celeb and as a celebrity. Sure, she’s a great mother, down to earth, can clearly juggle the fame game with ease and do the odd brand endorsement on social - no doubt translating to huge sales for brands. Coleen’s possibly the best girl next door celebrity that has ever existed.

They’re a rare breed; the girl next door celebrities. They’re relatable, arguably not the sharpest tool in the box but they have this amazing skill of being exceedingly likeable.

There was a time when I ghost wrote columns for all sorts of different celebrities when I was at Closer Magazine.

I did the odd column for Tara Palmer Tompkinson, wrote Mel B’s column each week for a series of X Factor and I oversaw bringing in Dannii Minogue’s weekly update too. But when I occasionally had to stand in for another writer on the title to pen Coleen Rooney’s column, it’s safe to say I struggled.

Coleen was paid £2,000 each week to do a 20- or 30-minute phone call with us at Closer. We’d then go away and polish the turd into a weekly column and make it sound like we had an interesting columnist, and the readers lapped it up.

She was big news. But she can’t have been more than 20 years old back then, so we were basically working with a youngster, and she didn’t really have that much to say aside from putting the wrongs right that had been in the tabloid press that week and describing what she’d been out shopping for across the seven days before.

My colleague Catherine would usually do the column but when she was away one time I had to cover for a few weeks. I remember being sat opposite the editor and dialling her number. She answered and once pleasantries were out the way she ‘revealed’ the biggest thing that had happened that week was she’d been into a Boots store and ‘discovered a new nail varnish colour’. That was what she thought would make for a great column lead that week.

I couldn’t hide my eye roll.

To be frank, I’ve always struggled to lie – my face is a total giveaway.

My professionalism immediately left the building. Once Coleen opened up with her ‘cuticle exclusive’ I hung up the phone and threw my head into my hands at my desk.

How could somebody be so newsworthy to all the tabloids, genuinely have no idea what she was doing. It was beyond frustrating.

“What the hell happened there?” said the editor at the time.

“I can’t do this,” I said without raising my head to form any sort of eye contact. “There has to be more to life than this. She has nothing interesting to say. I literally can’t do this.”

I was taken off the Coleen column ghosting duties and we told the WAG in question the line had gone dead by accident and that I’d been taken sick. It didn’t go dead. I wasn’t sick. I just couldn’t muster up any excitement about writing that column for her.

Sure, it was bad form on my part. I should have been more professional and made it work but I found it bizarre we were paying her so much for a column that was painful to write each week. She ‘wrote’ that column for years too. A girl barely out of her teens and making over 100k a year to do a phone call each Monday with a journalist who made her words sing. It was also such a huge coo for the title to have her signed up and exclusively their property – she wasn’t allowed to do any other press without prior approval.

Her team at the time weren’t briefing her and helping her to get serious about coming to the phone calls with ideas either. They were just laughing all the way to the bank more than anything. Management folks back then were leeches more than anything.

The column was a HUGE must read for the tabloids. We had weekly access to the biggest female attached to the England football team. Aside from Posh, obvs. But it felt like such a dumb scenario. The only time we ever got passion and knowledge out of her was when she talked about her little sister Rosie who was desperately sick and ended up passing away whilst we were working with her. When she spoke about Rosie’s illness and what the family went through it was genuinely interesting and you could tell she was extremely passionate about caring for those less fortunate.

Admittedly, when she was announced as a contestant on I’m a Celeb I was dubious. Was it going to backfire? She was never that exciting. Also, I didn’t get why she was chasing the increased fame (after all the show is a useful tool for celebs who need career rejuvenation) and generally why was she putting herself through the throng of the showbiz world once again. It just seemed a little odd.

Let’s face it, the Rooney’s can’t exactly be skint. So, the decision to be in the jungle can’t really be for the money. The Rooney’s haven’t traditionally been fame hungry and seem to have valued their privacy in many ways. But after the first episode the penny dropped. I got it. She just wanted to have a fun life experience and it just so happened that she could make some pocket money by doing so and enjoy the whirlwind of the legendary ITV reality show.

Coleen was immediately likeable. Immediately at ease. She’s come out of a highly traumatic court case (and the attached documentary) where she won against shady Rebecca Vardy after YEARS of fighting for what was right. The poor girl must have been exhausted after that. It also took Vardy literally two minutes after Coleen left the UK for Australia to begin her bitchy assault on Coleen and her Jungle efforts. Classy bird ;-) After years of us being force-fed the trials and tribulations of the court case maybe this is just what she needs. To just be Coleen and put her phone down. And give a little more of herself away for viewers to connect with. For us to realise she’s a decent human and she’s not hiding anything.

And let’s not forget she’s gone from being a British Vogue cover girl to being in the jungle. She’s not arsed on where her star lies in the celebrity class system – she’s just doing what she wants when she wants.

Last week I listened to Coleen’s chat with Fearne Cotton’s Happy Place podcast (listen below). I wanted to hear what she was like these days and how she spoke these days. If she had anything to say etc. The reality? She’s a much better speaker than she ever was in the noughties when she was doing her column. But Fearne had to work her arse off with a long list of questions and Coleen never really seemed to give that much away. All these years of being in the spotlight have enabled her to be super good at being interviewed.

She won’t go near anything controversial. She won’t address Wayne’s infidelities for example. But she’s perfectly happy to speak about her life as a mum (she was doing Happy Place to promote some collagen brand) and what her day-to-day life is.

The reality is Coleen lives a very normal un-celeb-like existence. She’s the ultimate girl next door celebrity. Like so many that have come before her, she’s a normal girl who clearly has her feet on the ground and has found herself becoming a high-profile celebrity name because of the boy she fell for. She’s not trying to be something that she isn’t. Her fame came when she was dating Wayne and she was 15 years old being papped in her school uniform. She’s navigated the tabloid stories with a controlling team around her – both management and PR. Back in ye olde days she had approval on everything. She was such big news, newspapers and magazines wouldn’t care about giving approval. They just wanted her signed up. Watertight. Her team knew they needed to have an outlet where she could control the narrative. It was essential and don’t forget this was before social media was there – celebrity columns were huge news.

Even today, she’s got a hardcore team of spin doctors and management alongside her orchestrating her every move. What I’m looking forward to seeing on I’m A Celebrity is the fact she’s well and truly on her own. She’s not stupid by a long shot, but she hasn’t got people there to spin the show. Sure, they can spin the press. But will she be interesting or fun in the jungle? Maybe. She’s bound to miss her kids and get very homesick. She’s a total homebody – so being in the Australian jungle for potentially three weeks is a tough gig for her. From previous shows too, there’s nothing worse than a sad and moany contestant who misses their kids and home. It doesn’t make for good telly.

But what she has on her side is the fact she’s not controversial in the slightest. Being the nice girl next door will likely mean the public get on her side and she ends up making it all the way to the final. I’m calling it early, gang.

I’ve already read articles (obviously helped along by her PR and management team) saying she’s got a potential 1.5 MILLION ITV daytime deal on the table (yada yada). Could that potentially happen? I’m not sure. As I’ve said, nothing wrong with Coleen but she’s not a huge personality that’s able to be lead through the maze of the celebrity world. Sure, she might get on the panel for Loose Women if it goes well for her. But she’s not the next Holly Willoughby. Holly’s a talented presenter and broadcaster. It makes me chuckle how much shite is peddled by showbiz writers these days.

Don’t forget, most of us can spot a flyer or a page filler from a mile off.

What do I hope for Coleen? Well, I hope she’s gone into the jungle purely to have fun. To have a life experience. To enjoy being there and having some time for Coleen instead of being the mum of four and worrying about the school run. She’d be a great shoe-in if it goes well for somewhere like Marks and Spencer to sign her up to do a girl next door fashion range. If people buy into her, she’s likely to be an attractive prospect for a high street brand.

From what she said on Fearne’s podcast she’s more than happy being on the frontline of the school gates, dealing with the dreaded what’s app groups that come with and making sure her brood are growing into nice human beings. But this is Coleen’s chance to shine and no doubt this will end up including wearing a Queen of the Jungle crown. Good luck to her.

Until next week, Peeps.