A Britney memoir, the power of saying no, FKA Twigs, Popeye and a Madgestic celebration!
This week’s #WTFWednesday is here to give you the escapism you desire from this weird world we live upon...
Willkomen! Bienvenue! Welcome!
THE FEAR OF A BRITNEY MEMOIR
Right, let’s begin. Obviously, there’s no way in hell Britney Spears is writing her own autobiography. There, that’s out the way.
But what can we really expect from this memoir? Well, it’s likely to be juicy sure but I fear most of the book is going to have to be taken with a large dollop of salt.
Let it be known, I was once asked by the reps for one globally known pop star “if I could remember” certain periods in said celebrities’ life and whether I’d be able to “fill in the blanks” (of which there were many) for said singer. I chuckled and turned down that opportunity. I remembered everything. Her book came out months later. I have no idea who managed to remember the blank episodes…
The reality of Britney’s autobiography is she’s probably had to go to several people to piece to together a version of what her life has been thus far.
I love Britney. When she was at her peak, she was unrivalled in pop star status, but we have to sit back and smell the coffee on this one. Britters hasn’t been on top of her game for close to a decade now.
In fact, if anything we’ve all just been progressively more concerned about her mental health and general welfare. It’s at a point where you must consider the fact Britney might not be able to remember much of her years during the height of her fame when she was erratic, struggling with her fame and dealing with what appeared to be substance abuse.
All in all, her management seem to think releasing a memoir of her life at this point in her career is the best chance at her being able to claw back some of her fans for what you’d hope would be an inevitable return to music. But even that’s not looking great, is it? There’s only so many times you can say ‘It’s Britney Bitch’ and spin around for Instie before you realise the poor girl might only be able to mouth that infamous phrase into her studio microphone. It’s the safest bet for Britney.
So, I guess we need to consider the fact this book will likely be the best “to her knowledge” approach to exposing the truth of her legendary rise to fame. The big juicy bits appear to be leaking already…
In the old days I heard some truly harrowing stories about her state of mind and how she was living her life. I never printed them in my newspaper column. It would have felt like stabbing a wounded animal if I had printed it. And to be honest I’m not sure I had a leg to stand on legally. But my sources were by her side. And they weren’t selling her out. They were just worried about the girl.
It feels like the best place for Britney right now is with the right people around her, without her phone and taking some time to get herself back to basics; and ultimately happy. Sadly, I don’t think any of these three are a possibility right now.
THE JOY OF FRIENDSHIP
A close friend came out to visit me in Ibiza last week. We used to party together. We enjoyed our wild mid-twenties and were joined at the hip at many a South Kensington or Notting Hill after party.
But these days we couldn’t be further from that zone if we tried. Sure, I can still knock it out the park if I want too. But she’s living a practically sober life now and late nights for her are very much a thing of the past.
I guess in some ways I’m pleased I’ve never succumbed to a full-blown crazy party lifestyle. Don’t underestimate me, I’ve never been one to shy away from a party – but I’ve always been the guy that knows when to stop being a dick and get home. Right from the get-go.
Especially, now in my mid-forties – I’m super careful regarding when the barrier comes down and I nail the booze and go out-out.
Anyway, my fashionable pal and I had a few drinks one night, but we mainly had the most wholesome of times here in Ibiza. Hikes, walks, life chats, massages, beach moments and generally we couldn’t have felt more at one with each other.
I took her on my favourite walk on the island, where at the bottom you can enjoy a dip in the Mediterranean water before hiking back up.
The bay is shaped like a teardrop. I can’t reveal where it is – I promised another friend I would keep its location as secret as humanly possible and save just for my close people.
There was literally nobody else there. I went in first with my goggles and checked for jellies, she slipped on her Hunza G and we had a good swim. I dove down into the water where a huge school of tiny fish joyfully parted super slowly as I travelled to the bottom of the sea to collect some sand and prove how deep it was.
“You almost disappeared, that was insane,” she said.
We got out of the water and I persuaded her to strip off naked and pose for a picture. It was glorious. She was all curled up like a cat with the feminine touch of her spine glistening in the sunshine. Her hair silky-smooth and slicked back from the water. She was ecstatic about being able to frame it in the privacy of her own home ala Samantha Jones. It’s not one for the gram.
There’s something so exceptional about being with your close friends on this island. Safe to say I’ve been struggling a little without many of my real wolf pack here with me in Ibiza. I’ve been throwing myself into work projects, working exceedingly long days and in bed mostly by 9pm.
So, a little light relief and a visit from one of my top 10 girls was just what I needed. There’s nothing better than being with your besties. The ones where you haven’t physically seen them for weeks, or even months, and just like that when you’re reunited you pick up where you left off. You don’t have to try or force anything. It instantly allows you to feel while again.
And for that, I thank my Olive.
I WORK OUT
I don’t give a fuck. This is shameless. I’ve been working out. Big time. Twice a week with my amazing trainer Neil Beechey (on Insta under @commandofitibiza) and then I’m training for my half marathon which takes place at Battersea Park on November 18. I’ve been running lots (currently at 12k), not going out much and generally eating clean with very little processed foods. A friend took this picture on the beach, and it prompted another pal to comment “alright Popeye”. I’ll take that.
If you do want to help me raise some much-needed funds for Children with Cancer UK I’d be incredibly grateful. They’re a fantastic charity. And hey, all this training is getting me right proper fit, innit. Click HERE to sponsor my efforts.
THE POWER OF SAYING NO
Lately, I’ve been relishing the use of the word no in my life. There’s so much power in just saying no. Whether it’s the night out midweek you don’t need, the client you just don’t want to work with or the trip you just have no interest in taking. There’s power and freedom in saying a big fat no.
I wasn’t always good at using the word no. I spread myself as thin as butter on toast – wasting so much energy, running myself into the ground and generally just didn’t ever realise I was able to back out of something and admit it wasn’t what I wanted to do. It was often something that wouldn’t do anything good for my soul.
Sure, saying no causes issues as you can’t please everybody when you say no. It’s a selfish act in many ways. I guess it’s something to do with getting a little older and realising life is short and sometimes you just don’t need to spread yourself too thin, put up with somebody’s shitty behaviour in a work environment or put yourself in a situation that just isn’t good for you.
So I’m urging you all to start saying no. I’m firmly following my gut these days and in the past few weeks especially saying no has given me a wonderful sense of freedom, power and joy.
#JustSayNo
THE POWER OF SAYING YES
I got botox. There I said it. It’s not really a big deal. I’ve been having it for the past year.
See, I had a line that was forming down my cheek and then there was the fact my forehead was starting to resemble Grandma’s mouth. “Not today, Satan.” I muttered into the mirror.
Truth be told, I’m thrilled with the results. There’s a funny moment about two weeks in where I look slightly deranged and a week of light headaches (it is essentially poison after all) but then it settles down and there’s still some movement and generally it’s been a really good experience. I’m having it done every five months now.
I think it’s important to pass on the information when you find a good procedure. So here goes…I did a lot of research into the right clinic and doctor that can work with a male face. I didn’t want to be one of those shiny faced freaks with mid-noughties Kylie-shaped eyebrows. You know, the period when she slightly over did it (nails it nowadays, OBVS).
In the end I found the brilliant Dr Wassim Taktouk who really gets male faces and knows just what to do so you don’t come out look like the Bride of Wildenstein.
Check him out HERE and pop in for a consult.
FKA TWIGS NAILS IT FOR VALENTINO
There’s a reason FKA Twigs has been performing for all the big fashion houses this global Fashion Week season. She’s bloomin’ magical. This video really impressed me. Check out Twigs and her troop at the Valentino show in Paris. Extraordinary, moving and genuinely fabulous. Vive La Twigs.
I always want to use this Substack newsletter to alert people to cool things you wouldn’t necessarily have found out about. I recommend watching this from start to finish for pure joy. Then…let’s all join a Twigs interpretive dance class sometime soon. With me?
MADONNA DELIVERS THE SET LIST OF DREAMS
Sure, I was panicking about Madonna’s show and what she was going to deliver. I’m thrilled to say my Madonna-anxiety has quietened right down. It definitely looks as if the dancers are handling most of the dancing but boy does it deliver on the set list and the staging.
Now, keep in mind I’m not going to see the show until it returns to London’s O2 Arena on December 5. But I OBVS couldn’t wait and spent the 48 hours from the opening night sifting through endless videos from friends, colleagues, randoms and fansites on Instie.
It finally looks like the Queen of Pop has listened to fans and delivered what some are calling some of the best touring work of her career. Let us not forget, nobody does a tour like Madonna.
I can’t believe we get to see ‘Bad Girl’ live on this tour. Life made. For those who want a spoiler – she the full set list below. BTW - there are rumours she’s going to mix up the setlist as the tour sweeps across globe on the 74 dates…
1. Nothing Really Matters
2. Everybody (contains elements of Where’s the Party)
3. Into the Groove (contains elements of Into the Hollywood Groove)
4. Burning Up
5. Open Your Heart (contains elements of Live to Tell)
6. Holiday (contains elements of Chic’s I Want Your Love)
7. Live to Tell (dedicated to all AIDS victims)
8. Like A Prayer (contains elements of Girl Gone Wild, Act of Contrition and Unholy by Sam Smith and Kim Petras)
9. Erotica (contains elements of Papa Don’t Preach)
10. Justify My Love (contains elements of Gangsta by Kehlani)
11. Fever
12. Hung Up
13. Bad Girl
14. Vogue
15. Human Nature
16. Crazy For You
17. Die Another Day
18. Don’t Tell Me
19. Mother and Father
20. I Will Survive (Gloria Gaynor cover)
21. La Isla Bonita
22. Don’t Cry for Me Argentina
23. Bedtime Story
24. Ray Of Light
25. Rain
Until next week, schweedies.