Coldplay finally get interesting.
When Chris Martin joked the kiss cam couple were having an affair, we all became instantly enthralled. But could you keep up with the story?
Willkommen! Bienvenue! Welcome!
Like the rest of the world, I was gripped to the max when footage was unleashed of Coldplay’s Chris Martin calling out a couple who clearly didn’t want to be seen in a clinch under the gaze of the world’s eyes.
It was a crystal-clear moment of shock and mortification for us all to witness in plain sight. The canoodling couple were clearly not wanting anybody to see then getting cosy on camera at the gig near Boston, Massachusetts.
As their image beamed onto the big screen the cosy-looking man and woman shudder with horror and hide from the lens. Well, they can’t get out of shot quick enough. You can see the moment the penny drops, and they both separately say “holy fuck” in their heads.
“Oh what,” Chris says from the stage. “Either they’re having an affair or they’re very shy.”
And a legendary showbiz witch-hunt was born. We were all enthralled from the get-go and across the coming hours this tiny moment of potential indiscretion became a lead celebrity story around the globe. Prompting endless memes, top-read news stories across all online global media and endless questions about what was actually going on.
It was nearly impossible to keep up with the speed at which this story developed. Minutes after the on-stage moment, the ‘couple’ were ID’d as Andy Byron, the married CEO of Astronomer, a software development company, and the woman in question was Kristin Cabot, its head of human resources.
The plot thickened. But this is a perfect example of how a story can spread like wildfire without any fact checking in this modern day and age of the internet and, of course, social media. You see, if they’d just played along with said kiss cam it might never have developed into Vesuvius. But they both squeal awkwardly like they’d done something really wrong and that nasty bitch called the internet is filled with sleuths and modern-day-Poirot’s who like a good challenge. Well, on this one within hours we had the ins and outs and the back story. It wasn’t a difficult one.
By the time of writing this we still don’t really know what the situation is. Did this moment unveil an affair and has it lead to the collapse of a marriage? We cannot be sure. Chris continued on stage saying: “Holy shit, I hope we didn’t do something bad.”
To be frank this might be the funniest thing Coldplay have ever done during their illustrious but rather vanilla career. It’s proper bants. You know, talking down the pub bants and showing others the clip online. I mean, if anybody’s yet to see this clip online you must be living off the grid in a treehouse and weaving wooly bags to hold your Diet Coke’s in ala Tom Daley. I mean, what is that about? Sorry, I digress.
As it turned out, the internet did all the work for the showbiz journalists as these days is pretty much always the case. We still don’t know if Andy and his wife are already separated – or whether she knews. But let’s face it the colleagues in the box seemed to get the picture.
It really got me thinking about how horrific it must have been working on this sort of silly season story. There’s no doubting this is a clanger of a hit story and must have brought in exceedingly good numbers traffic wise for all media that covered it. After all, it remained at the top of the most-reads for much of the week. Even the Guardian covered it.
It got me thinking about “my days” in showbiz journalism and just how much slower a news story like this would have developed. We’d likely have been told overnight for when we were at our desks at 10am about the story. Back in the noughties we wouldn’t likely have any footage of the story as nobody had camera phones then. In fact, there’s a lot of chance that if this story had happened in the mid-noughties the article might never have seen the light of day. Unless it was on film and we had a positive ID on both people we’d never have been allowed to print it.
But these are the wicked and wild days of the internet and the general public ruling the game. So, fuck it, they can do whatever they want now. Post away, go for it. If you post it, the journalists can write a story about you posting about it. They’ll get it over the line that way. So many dullard stories are based on what some twat troll has said on Twitter (I refuse to call it by it’s silly one-letter name) or Instie.
The real issue for me was three or-so days in when the story was slightly running out of steam and neither Andy or his cosy friend Kristin had made comment. All articles said they’d gone to them for comment. But then there was a u-turn. An AI fake – well, to be frank it was just a fake – statement was made by Andy which read like a kid’s school project. But what happened? News outlets run with it anyway like it was a real comment from the CEO. Eventually forcing Astronomer to make a statement saying the statement placed was fake. I mean, it read like a total fake. They even quoted a Coldplay song within as the pay off. LOLZ. You couldn’t make it up.
So back to the noughties, we’d have gotten this tip off and if let’s say we’d had it on film we’d have to have spent hours if not days trying to get it across the line. Proving both parties were there. Proving the video was legit. Proving Chris Martin has said it all. Proving everything. I doubt we’d have gotten there until at least five or-so days later. And also, it just wouldn’t have been a big story.
To be frank, trying to follow (or even research this piece was an absolute minefield) as I couldn’t work out what was true and what was fake. From what I’ve read, Andy and Kristin have done the right thing and STFU about the whole scenario and not made any sort of comment. Clever PR people. Don’t give it oxygen. But we are all left wondering if they were they having it ooooooorf or not? I guess if they weren’t then they could have just said that and stamped it out.
The worst thing is to consider is somewhere there’s a wife and kids having to deal with the spotlight on their home life. Some said maybe she knew anyhow and Andy was already separated. But would they react like they’d been ‘caught’ if so? Probably not.
It’s made me consider where showbiz news is going too with the rise of AI and then I listened to the podcast below with Marina Hyde (who I’d sit alongside at The People way back when) and Richard Osman and how AI is literally changing the landscape of all sides of the media industry. It’s all so darn depressing. But you know what? Maybe I’m just not meant to be trying to keep up with these articles? I’m not one of those 24-year-old energetic journalists who want to sit at a desk bashing out ten stories a day during my shift. I’m sure I’m made my point that showbiz just isn’t the same fun ride it once was. Maybe I need to hang up my towel on trying to follow the story like I’ve been trained to do? Maybe I just need to watch the source of the story and check out and enjoy the memes on the ol’ gram?
OH SHIT THE MEMES. I’ve pulled the best ones I saw last week. They are truly remarkable. I guess in some ways this is actually why we enjoy showbiz gossip nowadays. Diddy, Prince Harry, Katy Perry….and so many more have instantly become the butt of every joke on the internet of late. And it certainly makes all this doom scrolling a whole lot funnier.
Are you obsessed with this story? If so, tell me!
AND NOW FOR THE MEMES….