Why are we so reluctant to allow celebrities to age?
There's no doubt, beauty standards are very messed up in 2024. But why has celebrity journalism become such a bore when it comes to celebs ageing?
Willkommen! Bienvenue! Welcome!
Now, it’s time to talk about ageing. Specifically, if you’re a celebrity. Because I fear you’re in a category where you’re never going to win if you want to age in the public eye. You see, you’re not allowed to age. Ever.
No matter what sex you identify as, ageing is strictly forbidden when you’re part of the celebrity world.
This week I read an article online about Tom Selleck. You know, the guy from Friends and for those of you who were born in the 80s Three Men and a Baby (plus a lot more amazing films and TV shows ;-))
Tom is 79 years old. The article I read compared his look whilst being papped on a shopping trip (probably on a day off) to his career heyday nearly 50 YEARS earlier.
The article even mentioned his show being axed like, heaven forbid, his ageing had affected his career or his popularity. Shock horror gang, Tom isn’t allowed to be looking anything other than his trim movie star self when he pops to Whole Foods.
I mean, give the guy a fucking break. In some ways it would be fantastico if the twenty-something writers spending there days writing these captions would stop putting ageing at the heart of these ‘stories’. But they probably won’t. Clickbait is needed for people to click on the articles. Sure, I get that. But the truth? These articles really aren’t helping society in any way.
You see, the pressure celebrities endure has long been filtering through to us mere muggles.
I’ve been having botox for a few years now. Just the odd touch up. I like what it does. It gives me headaches from time to time – I’m not so keen on that side effect. I also struggle with the way my eyelids seem to rest on top of my eyelids slightly when the ‘freeze’ takes place. But hey, overall, it’s been pretty good for me. You must consider you’re allowing somebody to inject botulism into your body and it’s clearly not going to be a good thing for your body to take onboard – being a poison and everything…
The thought (and joy) of being wrinkle free takes over any downsides in many ways. You just yearn for that “wow, you look so fresh” when you walk into that dinner party. Bingo bango – I’m youthful. I’m 44 and can get away for mid thirties on a good day with great lighting. Just.
But where does it end? That endorphin-enhanced feeling of looking your very best. The truth is, will our obsession with ageing EVER end? The answer is probably never.
When I look around my personal friendship groups, pals in the ‘showbiz’ world and to be honest even some of my friend’s kids (lolz) – there are very few females that haven’t felt the pressure to put a stop to the ageing process. A frozen face or a duck lip is a regular occurrence wherever I travel in the world. In Ibiza clubs I regularly see some wild examples of lip filler on display. Some of the girls look like they’re struggling to close their mouths it’s so punchy and bold what they’ve had done. They’re barely in their twenties and that makes me feel sad. Their bodies have hardly come out of puberty and these young girls are injecting all sorts of horrendous things into their face.
I’ve got a pal who revealed she’d been having botox in her neck for years. She’s barely in her thirties. But it’s all the rage in Hollywood these days. No longer are we forced to see necks and hands showing the telltale signs of ageing. There are all sorts of brand new highly-fangled procedures for those trying to eliminate ageing with hands and necks. But it’s rather overwhelming to navigate the murky world of plastic surgery.
One thing’s for sure. Avoid Turkey, gang. Those rogue Doctors will be anything you desire even if they think it’s a dumb idea. The money counts in Turkey. From teeth to tits, a trip to Turkey means you’re able to do whatever you desire. I read Katie Price had undergone 11 or so facelifts recently – surely this is something you’re not supposed to do that many times. Considering she was an exceedingly pretty girl at the start of her career it’s hard to see where the young model and reality star now lays. Behind stretching, scrapes, implants, and all sorts of other operations.
I’ve got to hold my hands up, whilst working at Closer magazine as a writer we were a huge part of the problem. Whilst there, we’d speed up the narrative and add fuel to the negativity fire around ageing, beauty and female body sizes.
There were very few celebs I interviewed who would stay quiet on the subject or admit they hadn’t had some sort of tweakment. The headlines in the magazine for over a decade were either regarding ageing, surgery or weight. It sold magazines. By the bucket load. You see, the general public and readers were fascinated by the treatments that happened. Where the stars got their treatments and how the rich and famous were remaining so youthful in appearance was big news. That magazine still relies on female celebrities and how they’re navigating the ageing process for much of their cover lines to this very day.
The one good thing about the beauty industry? It feels like the procedures have come a long way and these days the stars can have all sorts done that don’t leave them looking like Pete Burns shortly before his untimely death. Remember when Cher looked plastic fantastic? Remember when Dolly Parton was strange to look at? See below when I interviewed her many moons ago - she looks miles better these days.
Then remember when Madonna would continually be seen on this cycle of looking cat like? I was told Madge would have that collagen ribbon procedure which for the first few weeks would leave patients look feline before settling down and they’d look fantastic. That might have been true, I guess. This was years before her bum implants made us all wince. I met one of her long term tour dancers recently and asked when she started with M – “where you pre or post new bum?” I said. We then had a big chat about said bum and when it had come into the picture.
One thing I often think when people diss Madge is whether these trolls have actually considered what it’s been like for Madonna being Madonna.
You’re an internationally renowned musician and pop Goddess for 45-or-so years. The pressure of being a sex symbol (hell, you even released a book called Sex) for all those years must have been the biggest pressure. Who gives a shit in the grand scheme of things? It’s up to her how she ages. Sure, maybe it would have been nice for her to have aged a little more gracefully. But it’s Madonna. She probably doesn’t give a shit what a troll thinks – so let her be.
The thing I’m trying to say with celebrity journalism is can we all just chill out on the “despite being 79” jibes. They pretty much always look like they’re doing pretty well and dandy at whatever age they’re at. Why not give it a little reframe the caption to “Tom Selleck still commands attention on shopping trip.” Or “Madonna oozes sex appeal on Italian tour”. Instead of the “Madonna, 66, shocks in Italy - baring her flesh” or banging on about her latest toy boy. Making her out to be gross all the time is just a bit shit.
I’m also trying to make a point on this before we even begin to unpack the way in which women in the media are treated when compared to men. The Selleck article just made me think how silly celebrity journalism has become in 2024.
Ageing sucks. But we all go through it. So why don’t we just let them eat cake.
And if we haven’t got anything nice to say – shut the fuck up. That’s what I’ve tried to do for the past few years. It’s rather freeing being a better human.
In the meantime, that reminds me. I’ve got some frightfully effervescent eyebrow movement going on right now. Where’s that Dr Taktouk when you need him?
Laters, bitches. I’m off to get Taktouk’d pronto.
Finally…a little treat (was actually one of my very first celebrity pictures taken by Richard Young) with Donatella. She DAZZLES in real life. And yes, I’m sporting a mullet.