Let’s play a game of sh*t or NOT sh*t.
There’s so much to waste your time on these days. TV shows, movies, life…you get the picture. So here I’m dissecting it all in a helpful manner.
Willkommen! Bienvenue! Welcome!
It’s time for me to brain dump as much as I can on the film, TV and life front so you can avoid the turkeys.
So here goes…in no particular order.
1. Katy Perry’s new era.
Hand on heart, for me it all went wrong when Katy Perry played Glastonbury in 2017. It was obnoxious and arrogant. She thought she knew best. Maybe she thought it was Coachella. I just didn’t get the performer stood before me.
Since then she’s made a new career for herself as a judge on American Idol and released a pile of weird music. It’s like she’s forgot how to be a pop star.
This week Katy released Woman’s World – the first single from her next album 143 which is her first album in four years. It’s terrible. She thinks she’s really funny. The video is tragic (she claims it’s satire…pffft) with a large dollop of “I think I’m amazing” and the lyrics may as well have been written by a toddler. It’s a little catchy. Just. But in general, it’s terrible. She also worked with Dr Luke who let’s face it has been wrapped up in controversy since what happened with Kesha. She’s also dressed for most of the video looking like she’s accepted Lady Gaga’s Chromatica outfit cast offs. Not in a good way.
The single has bombed sales wise. Despite her getting her gym-honed body out at every opportunity to promote it and trying to use social media stars to save her. If I was the label I’d can the album. If that’s the best you have for the comeback single then the album really isn’t going to work. Feels like she needs new management that she will listen too.
With her back catalogue and star power, there’s really no reason why Katy shouldn’t be up there as one of the biggest pop stars in the world. But she’s nowhere near and that’s a big shame.
VERDICT: REALLY SHIT.
2. Nicole Kidman and Zac Efron’s new Netflix film A Family Affair.
I went into this expecting it to be very shit. I mean, how can you imagine a love story with Nicole and Zac making it work? But you know what, once I’d gotten through the first half an hour of staring at their faces and trying to decipher the various procedures that have taken place, I was strangely captivated.
There is chemistry between the leads. Snappy writing at times and, dare I say it, there’s a bit of a cute love story to be found. Genuinely enjoyed all of its cheesiness by the end of the two hours.
VERDICT: WATCHABLE CHEESY KINDA GOOD SHIT.
3. Julia Roberts and George Clooney’s Ticket to Paradise on Netflix this week.
Fuck me. Hard. See, the thing about the film world right now is you genuinely have to consider how films like this are financed and made at this stage in Hollywood’s lifespan. There’s so much wrong with this film I don’t know where to start.
Everyone’s always talking about how hard it is to finance films these days. But little turkeys like this continually appear to slip through the net.
To have two of the most bankable stars in the world leading the charge on this one is hilarious. I guess they had to take the money or just fancied hanging out together on set and being filmed. Because surely when they got the script they both went “oh dear God”.
VERDICT: SHITTIER THAN SHIT.
GEORGE IN TOPLESS SCENES ON BEACH: NOT SHIT AT ALL.
4. Keeley Hawes in Honour (new to Netflix this week).
Don’t cha just love how little gems from the BBC in yesteryear seem to be bouncing straight to the top of the TV show charts on Netflix when they’re bought up and licensed. This one was made back in 2020.
Keeley’s so bankable as a lead star right now and I was captivated watching this. A story heartbreakingly based on a true story, that gives you all the feels. It’s only two episodes, so doesn’t take up all of your time too. Phew. Check it out HERE.
VERDICT: NOT SHIT.
5. House of the Dragon – Season 2.
You see, lately there’s been this trend where people endlessly feel like they have to jump on a band wagon to say they are enjoying something when the truth is they might not be. I loved the first series. But this series has been like wading through treacle.
There’s nothing snappy about it at all. It just feels like there’s some sort of war brewing but we are being forced to sit through hours’ worth of moodiness and dreariness to get there. Bring out the Dragons already and smoke some shit up. Because even incest isn’t going to save this season. Yawn.
VERDICT: PRETTY SHIT.
6. Summer in the UK.
Right, what the hell is going on? This summer has been terribly shitty. Like, awful. It’s been hard to have any sort of fun in London and the UK with the unpredictable nature of the skies above. And that’s without us even discussing how tragic every single weather app appears to be in 2024. Genuinely, no app seems to be getting anything right. Twice this week I’ve been caught out and soaked to the skin, freezing and drenched…walking back to a hot bath and contemplating why I’m even living in the UK. I’m off soon for a month away in the sunshine. Get. Me. Outta. Here.
VERDICT: SHOCKINGLY SHIT.
Until next week, Kids.